Gay and Lesbian Rights -A Guide for GLBT Singles -Couples and Families by Unknown

Author:Unknown
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Part of a custody determina-

characters can be found at:

tion is a determination about

www.geocities.com/WestHollywoo

visitation, also called access or d/1769/books.htm

parenting time in many states

(because no one visits their

134

GAY & LESBIAN RIGHTS

children). If your child will

RAINBOW TIP

not be living primarily with

you, you are entitled to have

Tips for Talking to Your Kids

time with your child.

About Being Gay

Parenting time can be divided

• give your child the information at a

in many ways and can be cus-

level he or she is able to understand;

tomized to fit your schedule,

• encourage questions;

your child’s needs and other

• help your child see that being gay,

factors. (Chapter 12 has more

or having a gay parent is nothing to

information about parenting

be embarrassed or ashamed about;

schedules.)

• explain that being gay has nothing

Sexual orientation should

to do with how much you love your

not be used as a determining

child and does not change your

factor in setting up parenting

relationship;

time (although once again,

• help your child see that being gay is

some judges are prejudiced).

about more than just sex;

Being gay should have noth-

• maintain a sense of humor and an

ing to do with how much

approachable attitude;

time you spend with your

• help your child understand that bias

child. Some spouses try to

against gays exists and help him or

place restrictions on parent-

her find ways to deal with it;

ing time, by suggesting the

• explain that just because you are

child should not have contact

gay, it does not mean that he or she

with the gay non-custodial

is or will be;

parent’s friends or new part-

• explain why derogatory or incorrect

ners. The only consideration

statements about members of the

that should come into play is

GLBT community are wrong and

what is best for the child. In

why people try to spread that kind

almost all circumstances, chil-

of misinformation; and,

dren should have access to

• emphasize that you are still the same

and time with both parents.

parent and this is something that has

Unfortunately, sexual ori-

always been a part of you—you are

entation is still used whether

just talking about it now.

explicitly or through per-

sonal prejudices of the ruling

judge to restrict custody and

GLBT RIGHTS IN A TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE 135

visitation to gay parents. Each state is different, and in fact, different courts within a state may vary widely in their attitudes in this area.

The Human Rights Campaign tracks custody and visitation decisions and states that twenty-one states and the District of Columbia have good records in this area. Nine states have decisively bad records of discrimination while the remaining states are either mixed or it is unclear how their courts will rule. Log on to www.hrc.org/familynet to find a link to see where your state ranks.

TALKING TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT BEING GAY

It should be your decision when and how to tell your kids you are gay. Hopefully, you and the other parent can agree to this. If your kids have been told by someone else, you will still want to take the time to explain things from your point of view and help them understand who you are and what it means. (See Chapter 12 for more information on parenting issues.)

CONCLUSION

While the rights of gays are still limited, this is a time of great change, with more and more recognition and support becoming available.

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